And "du", I did.
Normally, I prefer to eat my intestines but no, instead, I played with my food.
No, I didn't even do that, I made a boa out of it.
The creators of horror webisode series "Damaged Goods", Jacob Voelzke and Chris Buch, were so kind to have let me play with their buckets of...well, damaged goods. I met these guys while doing my first live-streaming gig for a show called "Kick In" where we'll be bringing in artists to talk about their projects and getting audiences to help kick-start some funding for them.
There's only been one show.
It's ironic because I want to do a kick-in for "Kick In" since we, ourselves, could use some funding for our production, lol. Some lavalier microphones would be great because you can't hear my commentary in between the interviews while the microphone is on the interviewee and my hand gets tired from holding up the mic to the other person's mouth. And right now, our studio lighting is a lamp and the lampshade that's on it.
BUT. I have to say, it was a really cool experience because it was LIVE and there are no re-takes and take backs. When I messed up (which I did a few times), I had to play it off. Story of my life, much?
If you're curious to see how I did, come HERE afterwards.
Now, I've done SOME hosting back in Asia. I assembled a reel but I'll be honest, it's not a public link because I'm not satisfied with it. I am my own biggest critic. I'll rewatch this footage until I'm literally sick of my own face because I will have nitpicked right down to the eyelash glue and ponder deliriously why I didn't move just 3 degrees more over so people wouldn't have to wonder why they're staring my ear and the earwax inside it the whole time rather than my face.
It's amazing what you learn about yourself when you watch yourself on camera. It's never what you think when you're doing the actual shooting - and I mean that in both still and video shoots. I try to stay conscious of my bad habits. As they say, practice makes perfect.
It's funny how I got my start with hosting. It's wasn't because people thought:
"Oh hey, you're a chatterbox, let's put that to some good use!"
No, children. It was simply because:
"Hey, you're a decent looking gal and you speak perfect American accented English - you should host!"
Same, same, but different. As long as I'm getting paid to talk, I won't delve further into the real reasons as to why I was hired.
Furthermore, they just threw me into the gigs without auditions and I dove right in without any training and with little to no direction. I would have to call myself out. For example, when I hosted FashionTV Vietnam, because the crew didn't understand English, they wouldn't know when I messed up or what I said didn't make sense. They judged solely on my body language, the intonations and inflections of my voice. I could have said "McDonald's rocks my world and these are the reasons why!" with pageant poise and they would've never known.
Damn. I should've.
For me hosting > acting. But I'm working on both. I prefer hosting because I get to be a sponge and soak up information. Whether it's via research on the guests and topics of discussion the night before or from the guests themselves during interviews. I get to meet all kinds of characters and interact with them one-to-one.
I'm starting alllllll over - from ground zero as up as I'm trying to slowly back away from modeling. I moved to LA impulsively about two weeks ago because I wasn't happy in Vietnam and I want to push myself further - with my personal goals, my career aspirations and simply, life. Something I've noticed? The responses I get in regards to my decision to move back. I used to feed pretty concrete answers.
THEM: Why did you decide to move to LA so suddenly?
ME: Because I want to push myself further with hosting and acting.
THEM: But it's easier to "make it" in Asia and it's so competitive and hard in LA.
While they're at it, they might as well remind me that the sky is blue, 1 + 1 = 2, the bird and the bees aren't really about the birds and the bees, beef is made from cows, practically everything they're wearing right now is probably made in China and that hamsters are the cutest animals in the world.
Chances are, I know.
I get told that everyday. And at a pretty high frequency per day too. From family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, and oh yeah, MYSELF.
Along with other comments such as you're too short, you're too skinny, you're not skinny enough, you're prettier in person, you're prettier in pictures, you have bad skin, you're too dark, your Vietnamese is god awful, your English is too Californian, you're Asian, you're old, you're too young looking, you're too commercial, you're not commercial enough, blah blah blah blah blah.
I nod, smile and pretend it's the first time I've heard it all, that I've been delusional this whole entire time and that no one has had the heart to break the bad news to me and more importantly, I need a major reality check.
Listen. I might not be the next Maggie Q. Heck. Things might not work out and I'll have to resort to some office job I have been purposely avoiding since college graduation. And that's TOTALLY fine by with me. At least I had a go for it while I was still (relatively) healthy, young and free; have a few modeling photos and footage to show my grandkids that yes, their grandmama isn't just a bag of wrinkles and crazy talk; and at least I'm doing what I want to do. I would need a bigger reality check if I tried to do all of this when I'm 45 with 2 kids, a mortgage to pay off and a teetering divorce.
I have a set of experiences I have to give credit to for my inspirations and growth as a person. No matter how far fetched my choices might seem or out of reach, I pursue the things that I do because they make me happy. And I'm not even referring to just showbiz. If you're not happy, do something about it. Rather than feeding concrete, I throw up abstract as the real root of it all. Opting for script B instead as my explanation, people never challenge me.
THEM: Why did you decide to move to LA so suddenly?
ME: I just wasn't happy anymore.
THEM: Welcome home.
That's 'cause no one could ever deny happiness.